28 October 2024

Mentioned the shoot with @Joseph before, here are some more of the images we ended up with.

21 October 2024

7 October 2024

Image by @josephesapa

Been spending these last couple of months up in grey matter, tryna come up with melodies, tryna come up with lyrics, tryna come up with emotion. There’s value in going deep but I’ve been feeling the walls move in closer and closer – as truth comes, melodies develop meaning, sound turn music turn art. That’s a point I can spend some time in, and I must, but it’s also the first sign that the music I make needs to be released into worlds. Your world.

I’m currently recording melodies, and I’m pushing to focus all of my attention on it. This is always the hardest part for me, but I’ve been finding joy in it this time around. Progress.

I can feel these songs coming together and wanting to be off my mind, out with you, so that I can focus on new truths. Replaying the past is good only to a certain point. Now damn, my past is still in your future, crazy how that works.

Image by @josephesapa

Been surrounded by new people recently, been feeling a new creative energy and a new mindset forming. Sometimes all of this, in light of not making any real money, feels null. At the end of the day though, it’s crazy to think that I’m capable of creating all this by myself, the music, the songs, the production – the design, this website, the visuals on both TikTok and Instagram. That must be worth something – being able to put music out in this way. It’s worth that you’re listening, I’m doing this for you. None of these motherfuckers do what I do and hey, gotta be proud of that too.

Speaking of new people I’ve been surrounded by – I recently shot images with @josephesapa. He’s a photographer based in the UK and man we took some great images. It’s cool being able to bounce ideas off another creative mind – I’m hoping to get to do that again soon. You’ll be seeing another post of more of my favorite images soon.

Energy I come back to again and again is a night at the club. Free minds.

The club as a place of heightened reality: Everything matters, nothing matters, life is more black and white than outside – you love the music or you hate it, you wanna fuck the guy you just met or you don’t. Decisions are easier being forgotten the next day or discredited due to the coke. The way it should be.

Real life ain’t like that and some of y’all bitches act like it is. Nothing is black and white, it may be for a night but it ain’t for the rest of your life. There is no taking sides, there’s compassion and there’s understanding and there’s working through differences. Fuck off with all y’all gossip.

Music is best when its got confidence to be loved or hated. I been tryna make music like that. It touches or it don’t, and if it doesn’t we’re still cool. These emotions also visible and I’m tryna use visual media for this upcoming album more and more. Great music videos special, it doesn’t have to be elaborate, the aura matters. Being independent I can’t afford big budget shit but hey, I’ma do my best in the upcoming weeks to deliver visuals to the songs I’m writing.

Also been discovering new artists through Youtube recently, less on Spotify – the visual element keeps me hooked a while longer so I can enjoy more new music without jumping ship.

These dudes big vibin’ and they reminding me of keeping it simple – make music and make visuals for that. I’ma try and stick closer to that myself, I been thinking too much, I been trying too much. I gotta get back to doing more. Cause trying is different from doing you feel me.

Can’t do quantity cause I’m still stuck on quality. So I’ma double down and give you more quality. Hope it’ll pay off if not I’m changing my mind but only in another life. This life dedicated to quality.

I’m gon’ leave you with these few lyrics as a teaser of the upcoming album. I’m working relentlessly, hope you’ll love it as much as I love it already in this unfinished state. If you love it half as much it’ll be your favorite album of the year.

Godspeed, love you endless.

LOVE AIN’T FAIR, WE COULD GANG UP ON IT, GANG

THIS LOVE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD, YOUR ASS THICK, ON GOD

9 August 2024

No Mind out now

No care where your love come from /
No mind, No mind, no

My new song No Mind is out right now, if you haven’t listened yet, it would mean the world to me if you did. A track about keta and fucking, we both know we don’t care where the love come from in that hole.

Been at clubs a lot lately, those with the no photo policies. Sucks for me and content but the memories will make for a real good lyric.

Been with you for long and gave you diamond, you sold ’em for drugs and man I can’t fault you.

Look I got you diamond /
Look they turn to dust /
Lay a big white one

I’ma keep these hands taped until we’re all together in love.

Play Video

[Verse I]

I can pay a rack
Go just give me love
Love on white line

Look I got you diamond
Look they turn to dust
Lay a big white one

[Prechorus]

I thought you’d die

[Chorus]

God know where this K from
No mind, no, no mind
No care where this love come from
No mind, no, no mind

[Verse II]

I can pay two rack
Go just get that fill
Now your lip blue

Hope you’re enjoying the song, hope you’re enjoying what I’ve been putting out, there’s been a song every month for the last 5 months now.

There will be a short break now, cause I’m working on the second part of my Together We Are Love album series. 7 all-new songs which are in the works already, pretty deep into it.

I’m fucking stoked to be making muisc, to have all this in the works. Lots and lots of love. Love you endless.

Remember to share the music, make TikToks to it, put those songs in your playlist.

Love, phl.

See you musically in a few. Visually, I’ll never leave.

23 July 2024

All Cap V Out Now

I guess I don’t gotta care about who you are if all I see is that All Cap V.

It’s been a few weeks but if you haven’t heard, my new song All Cap V is out everywhere. A chill one about fucking – that’s the shit I write about best.

I can tell you got your head in the cloud, that’s cloud nine if precise. Our type of love is different than theirs, and I’m talking them with their love useful. We don’t got external use for our typa love so it’s up to you and me to create it within ourselves.

This why our love look different, that’s why our love feel different, that’s why our love mean different.

And sometimes the love we got is only transactional.

[Verse I]

We got romance they don’t fuck with
Late night calls is good with we
We no, no worry ’bout each other life, lie
Behind these walls

This shit bouncy, this shit fly
Insane to expect varied results
I call at 3am, that don’t lie
You won’t care about my life

[Prechorus]

Tonight transactional
You’re with dick now
I’m at peace now

[Chorus]

See, life all good with you inside
My mind quiet on this ride
You’re the only one tonight
You’re the only one make me feel right

I hit it all night
Take my mind off him all night

[Verse II]

They got roses we don’t fuck with
Your body’s good enough, bitch
This life don’t want nothing in between we, no
Nothing in between

[Outro]

Hit it from the back like I don’t know you
Y’all look the same with that All Cap V
I got these memories, I got these memories
Got these playing tricks on 3am me

I hope you’re enjoying the song, add it to your Playlists, show it to your friends, give it some love. This one is special to me, I hope you’ll allow it to be special to you.

Love, phl.

4 June 2024

My new song 'Naked Like That' is out now!

I wonder how much truth you put into your I love you.

These words hovering, just above my chest, whispering to the blood rushing below. Would you lie all naked like that? The one thing I know for sure is that if your words real, like the sweat on our skin, I could die all naked like that.

This one is special to me. It began with this TikTok:

@jerem.rag
magic moment #khaen #music #instrument #improvisation #fyp #relaxing #night #reverb
♬ Demey - Jérémy

I am in deep with the sound of this instrument, the chords it produces and the way melodies are embedded. Been wanting to work on a track based on a sample for a long while, finally I found my starting point. Experimented, fucked around, ended up settling on a slowed and pitched down version for my final track.

Always into lush pads and full songs, this gave me a perfect basis to record. Writing went quickly, the idea of three truths that are hovering, not entering my chest as an image i love.

Play Video

Lyrics.

[Hook]

Three truths on my pec
Would you lie all naked like that
I could die all naked like that
Would you lie all
I could die all naked like that

[Verse I]

I can’t see them diamonds
I’m too close to them you
A carat five, fuck you
A carat five, now I seen you naked
Your word meaningless
Got me all uncertain under certain circumstance

[Prechorus]

Guess you could love me once
And I’ll be good for life
Guess I could stop the chase
With this moment in mind

Guess you could leave by morning light
Just stay for the night

[Verse II]

I can’t catch them feelings
I’m too close to them you
Struck out the side thats you vs. one

Head back, float
First time I seen you relax
Only know you wired on shit I can’t pronounce
Wired on shit like I’m used to

This all news to
All new to us
All news to

[Bridge]

Love move slow in my vein
Forgive my growing pain

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an

Ein Beitrag geteilt von phlwest (@phlwest)

I hope you’re enjoying the song, add it to your Playlists, show it to your friends, give it some love. This one is special to me, I hope you’ll allow it to be special to you.

Love,

phl.

23 April 2024

5am Violence

The physical aussault of techno does something to me, how come inspiration for music hits in dirty club bathrooms? I guess I can see your beauty far more clear in contrast to the brutalist minimalism of punding kick and bass. You become more beautiful and I become more aware. There is a kind of honesty in your movement, something I don’t get to see in you elsewhere.

More: it’s the unwavering beauty of people present, I ain’t ever seen as many beautiful bodies as I have at Unreal Amsterdam, and I’ve been on the lookout my whole life. There is something visceral that pulls beauty onto techno floors. It has pulled us.

This inspires – the more beauty I see, the more beauty I can put to the page. So I spent an hour writing lyrics, on my knees, amid lines and bumps, a certain type of atmosphere of human euphoria and resilience.

The main floor as church, and seeing as we were in Amsterdam we wanted to continue and headed to CHURCH, a gay club in the heart of the city. Too many mirros in that place, too much seeing without seeing reality.

These last couple of months have been heavy on miles traveled; visited the island for some much needed vitamin D. The atmosphere is special, I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful place. Orange blossoms as messengers of coming heat. I continued writing what began influenced by the smell of piss, this time in the shade of olive trees; contrast is what makes shit interesting. The combination: letting go in being more present, with beauty around, is analog to a dancefloor; we shine brighter everywhere, and everywhere I can see connections to us.

Since being back in rainy Cologne, at least the cathedral still here, there is only one place I wanna go: back to the island. As I’m currently working on singles, reveling in the freedom it allows me, my mind already jumps to the future and the album I have to write: We Are Love. To be able to focus all energy and all depth I can give into that, I planned a writing trip for the whole of June – this will afford me enough time and energy to create 7 all new songs. I cannot wait to get going, to sit under sun, remembering 5am violence and connecting it to beauty and love. That is what I do best.

If somebody wanna link in that time just hit me up, we got bodies to explore and I’m just happy to be there and look good. For that to happen I’ve started the cut, since bulking I gained 20kgs which of course ain’t all muscle, also fat. So to get that off, for summer, I’m on 2100 calories. We’ll see how that works out, that shit ain’t easy, but hunger is beauty. And I wanna be a part, so let’s suffer.

Flew to Berlin to talk some talks, see some faces, nothing came of it. Always the city of my dreams, always the city where life seems to happen the easiest. I guess the energy is infectious and creativity is found there. Always surprising, but these labels and the industry don’t seem to care for me, so I’ma do my own thing.

If you’ve noticed I always try and make everything I do look the best I can, make it feel the most thought-through and make it stand the test of time, and quality. Contrary, it is very on trend right now for major-label-backed artists to throw all that out the window and give a ‘bedroom musician’ type vibe – doing marketing and TikToks from their bedroom, their tiny home studio and shit like that. Labels wanna present musicians who are more relatable, more ‘close’ to everybody else – for people to see them as peers and for other creatives to look at them and think: hey that could be me. What they don’t know is that hundreds of thousands of dollars are poured into the creation and marketing of said ‘bedroom music’. I think that’s fucking hilarous. It also makes everything easier: why spend lots of money on sets, production, high quality cameras and concepts, when these motherfuckers can just sit in their bedroom and film on an iPhone.

Fact is, your favorite indie artist probably ain’t that indie.

Which, looking at it like this, is funny, cause I’ve been careful throghout time not to do low quality shit, bedroom type things, filming with a phone and being content with that. Maybe I should’ve done that, cause it seems to work for these fuckers. Now I’m too far gone, and I’ll keep my own shit up, which costs me hundreds of hours. I hope some of y’all see that. I hope some of y’all know that I am actually indie, and I do shit myself, from writing to producing to singing to doing these damn artworks and videos.

The only thing artists need is taste. If you ain’t got taste you got nothing, no voice of an angel can save you. The way to visual taste is clearer and more easy than to musical, lyrical taste. Especially if it’s about creating. You’re creating in time, and taste in time is hard to achieve, you either have it or you don’t. If you happen to know indie artists who display taste throughout their music and visuals, please give me a shout. I’d love to see and learn more.

I’ve been loving Cowboy Carter recently, and I suggest you take the time and listen front to back. It has worlds burried within.

My top 3 are:

Bodyguard
Jolene
Riiverdance

Just last week downloaded Opal, an app for your phone to stop you from wasting time. I been wasting too much time, attributing it wrongly, in face of my own scrutiny to research. Bullshit. It told me if I continue spending 3 hours on my phone each day, that will add up to 17 years by the end of my life. What a fucking waste, looking at other peoples lives instead of living. The app has been helping to cut down. I hate consuming, I love creating, so I gotta stop taking the easy way out. Go and create.

The only thing I’ma consume is drugs and art.

Need my studio to feel more like an artists space, working on some renovations at the moment. I want the violence in here, so I can write my best lyrics and make my best music.

Love you,

phl.

1 April 2024

Art When out now

My new song ‘Art When’ is out now everywhere!

Cherry lips in crystal light of clubs inspire me always, this song breathes togetherness. There ain’t nothing more honest than kissing lips, and you look like art when we do. You are my Lisa at the Louvre. These synths as recollection of artificiality of a club, these lyrics as real as they get.

Talked about creating songs in my interview with MYP-Mag recently – usually I take long to finish music. This was different – creation flew by like 3am talks with your loved one. Suddenly shit makes sense. Came up with the synth melody you hear in the last Chorus first. I love it, but as Hans says: sometimes you have to kill your darlings – so it does not get much space on its own, I wanted to shorten the track. You can hear it in the background of the last Chorus still, and I love when you get to uncover different elements throughout various listens, at first you’re mainly focused on the voice and harmonies, but after a few listens you’re exploring production elements, such as this synth melody. I want to make each new listen and exploration worth it. The melody is worth it. You’re allowed to fall in love with something again and again.

Play Video

[Verse I]

Crystal glitter on your cherry lip
That ain’t gloss, that’s passion bitch
Mm, I can taste it all
Mm, I can taste it all

Look at you ex on his way to god
Why you keep praying to be popular too?
Still see him in the way you fuck
That’s him in the way you fuck

[Chorus]

You are art when we kiss
Got bruises on both sides of my lip
You my Lisa at the Louvre
This the right place, this the right time

You are art when we kiss
Bruises on both sides of my lip
Right place right time
Bruises on both sides

[Verse II] / [Bridge]

I know you still on his dick
That’s fine, I’m good with you two
I be your lover in breaks
Be your lover in breaks

I’ma pick you up and carry you
To him

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an

Ein Beitrag geteilt von phlwest (@phlwest)

As mentioned, I will now be focusing on singles, which means more music more quickly, more freedom and lots of fun. I’m aiming for a minimum of a song a month, I’m hoping to be able to give you twice that.

Thank you for being here and for listening. Here’s a quick acoustic Chorus for Art When, this will be on socials in a few days:

— phlwest

5 March 2024

I watch time fly, these cycles always repeating, so I’m back in the studio working on new music. It feels like I never left, it feels like I’ve never been here. Creativity as silence, fleeting, like air. And still it’s got me in a chokehold, no life in my lung.

These last couple of weeks have been spent with Merch, on Together Magazine, on creating more than just music. If you haven’t yet, please go ahead and check it out. These are the ways for me to generate income, as music has become commodity.

The Magazine gives Behind The Scenes access to the creation of Together, with many unreleased Images, lots of poetry, a Podcast Interview talking queerness, music making, and everything in between. I would love for you to check it out, I’ve always dreamed of creating a visual magazine for a release, and I finally was able to do so for Together.

These four shirts have been years in the making. I’ve wanted to create something wearable for ages, just never been content with quality or fit of the garments I’ve tested, not been happy with the print quality or had companies outright refuse to print the designs I wanted to get out. There is still a lot of censorship around queer art and our expression, and I am confronted with this again and again. Finally I decided to make everything myself, just like I do with my music.

I’ve invested in a Heat Press, I designed shirts, found the perfect garments to print on, and I’ve been in the studio heat-pressing this shit myself. Now I’ma be honest, they aren’t selling as well as I hoped they would, so if you haven’t copped, reconsider. This is a passion project and I wanted to make sure you could wear something truly phlwest.

I’ve edited my first real Vlog making these Shirts, which is mainly about corporations not wanting to print my bare ass on shirts, cause of some bullshit content policy of theirs. I did some censoring of the video for TikTok, but apparently I wasn’t thorough enough, so that video got taken down almost immediately, adding a strike to my account. The very thing I’m talking about happening again…

Here’s that video on Instagram:

Sieh dir diesen Beitrag auf Instagram an

Ein Beitrag geteilt von phlwest (@phlwest)

I love these Vlog Style videos, they are a tool to provide a more in-depth look into the way I work. There’s tons of shit I do that y’all probably aren’t even aware of. I’m still not sure most of y’all know I actually produce, sing, write, mix, publish all this music myself. It’s pretty fucking unique so I gotta make it a point to use that for content. The studio needs some renovating, but I’ve taken this very physical experience of creating merch as an opportunity to film a vlog. I love the outcome, and although it doesn’t work on instagram at all compared to my other shit, I’ma try and push these for TikTok and see if I can censor myself enough for the account not to be banned lol.

All this means no sleep and no time off, between going to the studio to make music and doing content for the music itself, to making these vlogs – which take a lot of time editing and filming. I really wanna cling to quality, and although it’s not really what I see around me, I need it for myself. I wanna see my work the way I envisioned it in my mind. Y’all can interpret later. And I’m listening. But I need to create it the way I want it to exist in the world – otherwise why do this at all.

New music will come sooner rather than later, there’s lots to do for Together still, there’s content to film and Clips to shoot, but I’m eager to push on and release some more singles.

Stand-alone singles usually mean more freedom, more experiments, more quick-judgement. I like that every once in a while. I’ve learned a lot doing Together, so I’m equipped to focus on these next few songs. Ready for some fucking bangers. I’m excited to be back in the studio, experimenting, carving my space in music. I’m working on being quicker with everything I do. As mentioned, I’m doing it all, so that always takes time. I hope to come up with time-saving ideas in the near future, making everything a little less cluttured, more structured, more enjoyable. These songs are going to be life.

Recently went to amsterdam for a smoke sesh, saw some friends and it quickly turned into a promo night for my new album. I took some Posters and we dotted them around the city, these memories still big in mind. Love the city, although people seem snobbish to me. We ended up in De School until morning light, which turned a chill Amsterdam weekend into a 140BPM Rave. Rather that over anything else though. Can always count on the ravers. They are family, even in Amsterdam.

Once back home to get back in the swing of things I updated my playlist, check it here:

These the songs for a month of spring, excited to be listening with longer days and sunsets that turn our skin orange.

Gonna be stuck in the studio for a couple of weeks now, I’ma be back with new music, right here. I hope you don’t gotta wait too long. Excited for whats to come.

Also, if you want some more insider infos and more updates, don’t hesitate to subscribe to my newsletter below. You’ll get something special soon, promise.

– phlwest

17 January 2024

Together, my new album, is out now everywhere

Together: a collection of songs you play at 5am speeding home from the club, deciding whether you wanna give the afters a go, deciding if you wanna fuck a stranger, deciding whether you’re gonna double text your crush, deciding whether all you want is an orgy in your kitchen.

It’s a space between, it’s life.

Nothing too serious, but it’s complete, it is everything, so maybe it’s more serious after all.

Together is 7 songs through memory, remembering the night you just had, from standing in line at a club to SALT, which takes you to the dancefloor, BODIES, to the darkroom and then you’re out again by ALL GOOD. There’s vision here and I hope you hear it, see it, feel it.

Remember your Berghain club night throughout listening – memories are found in these songs – I hope some of this can be the soundtrack to the start of your 2024 and some good nights fucking, be it with your love, alone or a stranger.

This is all me, so it can become all you. No hands but mine touched any of this, from songwriting to producing, to mixing. From cover art to videos. This is an artwork complete. No fakes, this is nothing anybody else could’ve come up with. I hope you hear it.

These songs are lyrical, in-depth; I’m going to outline some of my thoughts for a few lines of ‘Together’. If you’re into this, there will be an online magazine coming with much more in-depth explanations to these songs. You’ll be part of our cult if you buy it, and that’s hot. (More infos on this come soon).

This new five carat all shiny in your callus hand

set-up: it’s a guy i’m talking to (callused hand from sports)
physically active
i’m gifting a diamond (wedding, love related)
five carat diamonds one of the most expensive – i’m giving everything i can

That’s a blood diamond for you / That’s an endless bond for two

reference to blood diamonds from africa
callused hand = diamond with blood on it from hands of guy i’m giving it to
diamonds representing wedding = endless bond for two people

Man this world’s not enough for you

phonetic reference bond – james bond – one of the most famous bond movies is ‘The World is not Enough’
also literal meaning: for this guy i’m gifting a diamond to, although I give everything i can, it might not be enough

Guess my words don’t mean beaucoup / I can’t talk my feelings on you

clarifying that no matter what i do / say this guy won’t think it’s enough
i’m more invested in the both of us than he is and I can’t make him love me

I’m all echo man, she’s withering / With you lakeside closing in

reference to greek mythology: tale of echo (in this echo is damned to only be able to repeat words spoken to her)
in context: I’m doing anything to please this guy, no opinion of my own out of fear of not being liked, but that makes me lose myself (wither)
second reference to greek mythology: narcissus falls in love with himself in mirror image on lake while echo watches
in context: this guy is narcissistic and does not care about me or my feelings

These are the first eight lines of the song ‘Together’. There is a lot of thought and idea that went into every single lyric- to make it both interesting to a casual listener and to someone like you, who is part of the cult. I hope you’re interested in more. The online-mag will be out soon.

All Lyrics are available on my website and have also been added to all streaming services (like Spotify and Apple Music).

Now that the music is yours, I’m working on making a physical copy available. There will be a preorder up at some point (stay tuned).

I’m working on Merch, which is harder than you might think cause I’m looking for quality and I don’t want y’all looking goofy ass in these shirts. More info on this soon.

As said, a digital magazine will be available soon. This a great way to support me cause there won’t be any shipping costs added.

Also, if you just wanna paypal me some money, heres the link:

https://paypal.me/phlwe?country.x=DE&locale.x=de_DE

lol

Just to be real: I ain’t making money on this music – I’m doing everything on my own and the quality I’m bringing you costs way more than I’m making. Support local artists, go to drag shows, tip your queens, buy my merch and a Vinyl and the Magazine, buy my art (coming soon). I wanna continue making this for us all.

Also; preparing for live shows. If you’re reading this, DM me on Instagram with where you’re at so I can see where it makes sense for me to play a gig.

Art that inspired me this month:

Good food
Good dick
Making out to SALT
Picassos boy with a pipe
Pale Skin
Perfume

Happy 2024. The goal is to make more music and make more short form content. I’m thinking of you and long form music video content as well.

Also very interested in some more long-form Lately (Vlog) style videos. Interested in that?

This year is going to be more intense.

More work. More music.

2024 INS:

Prep
German Accents
Techno
Walkmans
Dilfs
Gender Neutral Perfumes
Sunburns

2024 OUTS:

Charcuterie Boards
LinkedIn
Vaping
Condoms
Nepotism (Unless you’re my sugar daddy)
Vegans
Netflix

Anything easy is not worth pursuing and I hate the idea of a constant feedback loop. Yes, it will generate ‘content’ that your ‘followers’ love more easily, but it won’t create art. Art comes from suffering, it comes from a single mind, it comes from creation away from feedback of others.

I don’t want to create something you expect, I don’t want to ask your opinion and act accordingly. I want to create value, present a complete idea. If you love it you end up loving on it more than if I deliver something you already know you want.

Thank you for your love and support.

— phl

22 December 2023

TOGETHER will be out January 05th

This is going one eighty thinking of your beauty, this is leaving clubs tattooed in hedonism; this is 5am calls for a strangers body.

This is TOGETHER, out January fifth.

I see white lines moving past, peripheral vision, and I wish they would’ve helped me in finishing this project, but man they only hindered. Transcendence is involved, I realize, and I am no fast mover by nature. These seasons come quick, go quicker, and I am left playing catch up. Sometimes I don’t even realize – stuck in a dark room with synths glowing and a repeating melody pounding in my head. It’s like building my own version of heaven, inspired by too many nights spent underground. I know these dark rooms, I know these melodies, I know these synths. I get lost for a while – be it in my own studio or an old heating plant – and man I get music out of that.

These 7 songs are all me; writing, producing, mixing. There’s overlap between, and I am not done with the former until I am finished with all. This mode improves quality but consumes time, so this EP already a full year in the making. Anything easy is not worth pursuing… and this was hard. I hope you love it as much as I do once you listen, preferably speeding to your crush at 4 am, the speed of light, no thought to anyone or anything but you two.

These songs are beauty, these songs are fucking gay, these songs are sex. This is an antidote to pop-musics over-engineered most personal album yet. This is raw, and real. I am tired and exhausted of searching for reality in light, so I went into the dark. That is our reality, this is our community and we are real.

We are valid whatever we look like. Masc is beauty. Masc is being a fag. Masc is fem. Masculinity is being Together. I am inspired by love and sex and I am in awe of you living your truth, I am watching, I am making art, looking at you, thinking of you, being in you, being with you.

With fresh faces speeding past I realize it ain’t about the details, it’s about feeling. 2023 made this record possible and I am conscious now more than ever: sitting still is death. If you got nothing to do instead of watching TV on a wednesday night I feel sorry for you.

7 Highlights:

Finishing Together
Renaissance Tour
Unreal (too many to count)
Gym
Spanish sun and sons
Pretty Life
Amsterdam Gold

We switching to the left lane now, the Autobahn got us. I love starting 2024 with you and with new music. There are gonna be no distractions except for the occasional dark room. We got videos to do, more music to drop and lots and lots of fun to have. I wanna keep the key to your heart just like I’m keeping the key to your cage ’round my neck.

I know I am not afraid of wasting my time doing this, I am afraid of wasting time not doing this. Not revising the same lyric hundreds of times to find small changes, not trying to do the best I can, not trying to push myself further. 2024 will be more of the right things. See you on the other side once Together is released.

Happy new year.

January 5th.

Love, phl.

17 November 2023

Life (work) currently feels like a Polaroid slowly appearing – there’s color there, there’s shape there and as long as I’m patient love will appear. I am tweaking the final Master for this EP – I have not yet listened, I can do that only once it’s complete. Still in the Dark Room – shapes, sizes are starting to show – how come everyone I meet is 8 inches and over?

Berghain as the Dark Room where lovers sticky remains serve as reminder to your Airs not to leave the ground for too long. I can see myself getting lost. Long. Some of y’all for sure looking back at your night in the Dark as the first night of your new life. I am grateful to have songs, work that brings me back to reality, sometimes. It’s not like I’m leaving this space, the memory feels like a dream and always will.

This life a blur between physical and the above, suspended, floating, never quite reaching solid ground, as if the reminder to stay wasn’t quite enough. I don’t know a lot but I do know everybody horny in this liminal – and I am too. This is the smell of sweat, this is wet floors, this is salty ceilings, this is fucking. This is life I know. This is my music. This is my art. It would be disservice to us if it wasn’t. Why don’t I see more of that around? I saw you in the Dark. You are withholding truth from us. I can’t do that.

I can fit these headphones on you though, they fit perfect, there is love and longing pouring into you; I swear this is the closest we will be. Like shadow at midday. You look good in light, you look good in dark. I know you’ve been working for that.

The pull — to everything beautiful; to beauty in dim lights and the contours of a flashy polaroid — is hard. I am drawn to muscle, I am drawn to you. I am drawn to everything beautiful. Why some of y’all into that Y2K shit, just to look bad? It’s the easy way out: make yourself look bad and somebody sure will give a fuck at some point. It’s the easy way out: make ugly art and pretend there is message behind it. Try make something beautiful. I wanna look at art for long and be intrigued by beauty. I wanna look at you for long and be intrigued by your pretty. It’s harder, and y’all ain’t going for hard. The easy way out don’t make me happy.

You make me happy and you are happy when you wear masc outside and take dick on the floor. I love living this contrast with you, there is a space between where actual life happens. Not the fake version we’re sold on TV; everything straight forward, focused, clear. Actual, real life; questions, contrast, feelings that are opposites but fuel the same desire. I see people live their wildest fantasies. Occupying a space built for us, by us, in a way that suits our needs, even if they’re not explicit. I wanna join.

I recently saw Isaac Julien at K21 – highly recommend. I have never seen video art as expressive, as beautiful and interesting. Beauty pulls me in.

All these hedonistic ideas only retain strength if contrasted with real work – I’ve been on the Mix of my EP for the time being, now at the Mastering Stage. This is where we no longer see black and white, but color. I’m hopeful I’ll get it done before the end of the month. Music come soon.

This is life. This is what we do.

– phl

25 September 2023

Lately

I been looking through partially opened blinds at the line in front of the club for months every now and again. Although there is value in voyeurism and I need just that for my music, I learned that I need to be more approachable – and approach more. I decided to join. It’s been good so far – these are my people, you are my people. The inspiration to write more openly comes partly from a recent newsletter I read: reading from a person you care about feels good.

I’m deep on the last stretch of Vocal Recording for my upcoming EP – it’s been a while since new music left this Studio, but I hope the 7 tracks that are coming will be worth the wait. Recording Vocals is the most demanding part of a song for me, I feel like banging my head against the same wood wall over and over again – I don’t get particularly hurt but I do not make progress. The time it takes makes me wonder if I’m making progress at all. I envy painters whose hands are the medium to control, vocal cords are fucking illusive.

There is a routine that is starting to develop and I am trying to solidify it. Songs, personal ones, the way I do them, are intricate seas swaying from one emotional extreme to another, a routine around creating them keeps them in check, at least a little.

I’ve been at the ocean for a few weeks recently, the one full of salt water. Would all tears shed by humans fill the Atlantic? A form of humility when looking into endless water. A form of purity, selflessness and freedom. The goal is to see the ocean twice a year, every year. I expected to record and make music in the mediterranean, but the sun had different plans, and so we followed. I learned the Spanish know the language of the sun. I mean to learn spanish some time, before the end of the world; I learned I need to make promises and keep them because spanish guys are big on promises. And dicks.

Since being back I been doing Techno better than ever, the real, hard, German type. Some tracks to get you in the loop:

If you wanna handle this with me somewhere at some point shoot me a message and let’s rave together. The monotony and sameness is exhilerating in a world focused on individualism, especially on social media. There is freedom in same, there is sanity in same. We’re all on the same drugs and nothing else matters. The scene in my hometown is growing and I couldn’t be more proud – this is the first time I’ve felt any real connection to a place, and still I could live anywhere with you and call it home.

These nights have brought my understanding of community to a new level, we are party, it’s our DNA. Leaving for the darkroom and being new on the come out is exhilerating.

My body is the record of those I have loved

Anne Truitt

I will leave with some images that encapsulate the feeling of the last couple of months and I will get back to recording – we’ll speak once this EP is done.

Together we are love,

phl