Everything Green, the third track off of STAR, Baby got its visualizer. Out now on Youtube, it would mean the world to me if you checked it out. This definitely feels like an accomplishment, now that all 3 videos are out and those songs that I’ve started to write so many months ago all exist with video now. These three videos were filmed on the same night, with the intention of expanding the lifespan of STAR, Baby – I believe these songs deserve more. Honestly, these videos haven’t performed as well as I had hoped by any stretch of the imagination, they deserve more eyes on them in my view. However, I’m at a point after doing this for a long while now that I’m okay with this. There are still huge parts of me that do this for nobody else but myself – an expression of emotion, feeling and truth. Still, I did think I’d be capable of reaching more people by now – maybe you can help me by sharing this with somebody you like to go out with.

Let it be me watching this and reminiscing in 50 years! Fuck y’all!! lol.

With STAR, Baby now fully out I can turn my attention onto new music, currently I’m working on forever, CRUSH – an extended life to STAR, Baby, a slightly different sound, a further proof of existence in clubs. But don’t be fooled, I’ve got more in the works at this point than for a long while, I’ve been experimenting with new sounds, music that is different to what you’re used to from me, and I know I’m heading in the right direction, ’cause I look left and right and people are left in the dust. I’ve just been in a positive headspace (despite these view numbers lol) regarding music and art in general. Shit’s going well. I’ve realized the process is extremely important and I truly believe that it will become even more important moving forward – with AI and machines circumnavigating that process entire. We, as humans, must be sure to enjoy, live and project that process, ’cause that is what art-making is about. The devotion to the process, a becoming.

This season does well with my current mindset: locking in, devoting yourself to music. Rain, gloom and wind – all observed through the windows of my studio. Whirlwind in mind.

This obsession with process gave new life to an idea I’ve had for a long while (and have toyed with on several occasions, just look at my Life As Art Youtube Videos): ‘vlogs’ on youtube. I like calling them studio logs, documentation of process. I’ve been experimenting with this idea over on TikTok for a while now, making longer form vlog type content. I don’t really know if this is the right platform for all that though (I assume anything would work on there but who knows) so I’ll be continuing these experiments on Youtube as well. I just want, and this is another personal reason I guess, to be able to look back on life and have video documentation of it all. My memory is fucked anyway, I’d rather have physical proof, digital (?) proof of what I was up to, what I was thinking and what I had on my mind. Honestly I’m a camera nerd too so I’ve got the means of documenting, I’ve made it a habit for the camera to be on me at all times, so I’m just using that to my advantage. Let’s see where all this goes, and trust that I’ll be catching you on youtube with more than just music shortly. Also I’ll be giving you a shout here. No worries.

These realities colliding, my weekends spent in darkrooms, my weekdays spent in my clean white studio. Trust there’s art here.

PLAYLIST UPDATES

Pretty Boy deserves more light, so I shot this visual a few months back – here it is. Surprise, so many releases up on Youtube. These Visuals, specifically once they’re out on Youtube really are proof of my work. I’m glad for them to see the light of day – even though these videos somehow don’t hit as much as I had hoped, I’ma be honest. Maybe it’s the songs, i don’t know – I am proud of them though. They feel like great visual pieces that connect my world to these songs.

Let me talk some of the lyrics. We’re still in a club setting, in the song at least. As I told you before that is hard to achieve in a visual for me as an independent artist, so bear with me. I hope you still get the vibe of somebody looking at a video of themselves, filming them – there are layers to this shit. And one of these layers is present in the video – I can’t be giving it all to you. I love when you can tell there’s thought going into art and I promise you there’s thought going into what I do. The handycam as a prop does the trick for me, referencing lines in the chrous:

you a pretty boy with no god, no
we wanna be somebody,
we all wanna be
something more than we were born with
naturally

Do you need to look at yourself to feel pretty or is it enough once somebody else tells you you are? Where do you draw the line between reality and projection?

i want you with your pink collar
of lab growns
you got hands for anybody,
they swear that they shine real
man these diamonds don’t matter to me

People have asked me what this first verse means. Let me talk to y’all. In my mind: pink collar of lab growns; we’re talking diamonds. There’s talk about lab grown diamonds not being the real shit, while of course chemically, they’re the same as diamonds mined. Already tryna establish a discourse about what is ‘real’ and what isn’t. Notice how in this last line I say: man these diamonds don’t matter to me. At the end of the day I don’t fucking care if they’re real or not. I continue by examining this person, wearing those ‘fake’ diamonds, and speaking on them: they got hands for anybody, can handle anybody and anything that gets thrown at them, and with their beauty these other people don’t even realize that their diamonds ain’t real. Although they might care if they knew. It also insinuates that I know they’re not real – important for verse II.

that pink shimmer blue gold in neon light
guess now i can tell what’s inside
now we’re surrounded by bright
you believe now i do too

Back at it again with those diamonds, and the swaying between pink and blue – references to boy / girl, and in this sense, more importantly trans colors. This is a sort of obvious revelation to me: now I can tell what’s inside – I can see ‘through’ your outer shell, because you opened yourself towards me. Now I will believe that too. Because we’re surrounded by light, as you’ve found out, and are certain of who you are. And no matter what I see or don’t see, I’m with you on what you feel and tell me.

This is basically a song about a trans person and my attraction and admiration to them, no matter what they choose to present as, no matter what they feel like, ’cause all of that is valid in its very specific and real way. See the first verse: we wanna be somebody, something more than we were born with naturally – the song almost titled ‘Naturally’ – that was the working title for the longest time. I ended up going with Pretty Boy ’cause I felt like it was more striking.

Love y’all, always and forever.

STAR, Baby deserves more life – at the end of summer I decided to film three visuals for all of STAR, Baby – the title track, Pretty Boy and Everything Green. Since being back at the studio I’ve had these recordings at the back of my mind, and finally I got around to editing, shaping those visuals into beauty. I am proud of what we came up with.

Creating Visuals is one of the hardest jobs being independent. They take time, lots of it – and making something unique usually costs lots of money. I’ve been getting better at using my equipment, making the most of what I have, and this idea of a Star shaped balloon – so simple – really pushed things to the next level. I hope you see the vision, and I hope you appreciate our time.

Watch here:

STAR, Baby and most of these songs live at the club, under neon light, at 4am and in an atmosphere of ecstacy, belonging, community. I sing about this ‘cause it rings true in my ears, ‘cause it’s made up of memories and projections, of reality and that little bit of longing, present in all of us. These images and the way they manifest in mind have long influenced my music and most likely, will continue to do so.

Doing all this alone: creation, music, production, lyrics and also visuals poses a real challenge: club-aesthetic, visuals in crowds, indoors, are the antidote to my way of working. I don’t have access to that type of space and to be quite honest I don’t have a network of people wanting or being able to STAR in a music video like that. These things involve enormous amounts of planning, budgeting… and to this day I feel like my time is better spent making actual music. I would love to make this specific vision, of a club atmosphere and disco balls, come to life at some point, but right now I’ll have to find other ways of pursuing intricate, beautiful visuals that are more attainable, yet still convey the emotion of the song. In this case, for STAR, Baby, the balloon does the heavy lifting. It gives a certain energy, feeling and mood which I very much enjoy. I hope you can forgive the non-club aesthetic, yet still think of the club. I hope you can see this as a metaphor for love and longing under neon lights. I hope one day I can deliver a visual even more fitting than what we came up on this beautiful day.

STAR, Baby Release Weekend

My new single STAR, Baby is out right now everywhere. If you haven’t yet, go ahead and listen on your favorite streaming platform.

I FUCK BEST WITH A BROKEN HEART
YOUR SEX MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A STAR 

Pouding synths been penetrating my brain, and I finally found form and function to put them into reality. The result is STAR, Baby, and somehow my immediate future was sealed. A sound that is both fresh and reminiscent of Pretty Pretty. The idea of love in our community being fleeting, and the reality of hurting yourself in order to feel something – all coming together in this track.

After months of experimenting, figuring out what I want to say, and how I want to say it, I am proud of this track, and this new visual language. I been releasing music for a while now, but I really wanted a clean cut – and the thing to do is to archive all your instagram posts for a new era lol. It does feel fresh and new. It worked. Also, new lyric video design, new imagery across platforms – this feels new, exciting, exactly right.

Being independent means all of the shit you see is all me, all my brain, my ideas of what shit should sound, feel and look like. I’m proud of that – and I printed these huge posters cause I wanted something with impact, and I fucking love how it turned out. Filmed a few videos with those posters, took some pictures. Such a sick way of bringing some of my mostly digital efforts into the analog world. It feels correct. Truly something I want to do more of.

Also, my STAR, Baby stickers arrived.

I’ve been loving your guys’ reactions, it means the world to me when you reach out to me about my music and my art. Thank you for taking this song and making it yours – that’s what I make music for. Listen to it, make love to it, feel your own heart breaking again – but remember, you fuck better with a broken heart, so maybe take advantage of that.

I’ve been enjoying a weekend off, tomorrow it’s back to the studio and back to making more music, more content. Thing is… There’s a new song coming in 2 weeks already. oOOoOo yea.